It was a hot August day at the beach. The water was at a low tide. I could see the water met the horizon. My heals hit the blistering sand first then my toes. My dark brown hair was blowing with the cool breeze. We looked at each other. “This is the summer” said Katlyn. Her blond highlights were showing through her bright red hair. We raced to the beach. I won and dipped my hair in the icy cold water off of miami beach.
‘ This is the summer leading into our senior year. The last summer break of high school. This is the summer I will find him the love of my life. This is the summer of parties and the truth will come out, I will find my real friends’ I thought to myself. Instantly as I thought this Katlyn turned to me I saw her eyes light up she whispered in my right ear “6 o’clock”. I turned around 180 degrees fast enough so I could see him, but not too fast so I would catch attention to myself. I saw HIM. His bright blue eyes, the abs, taller than me by about an inch, he looked smart but not too smart, he didn’t look like a jerk. He seemed perfect. He turned away. In the slight glimpse I got of him I knew he was the one. The one I wanted to be with forever.
A million thoughts started running through my head. ‘ Do I just go talk to him, what if he thinks i’m weird, do I smell okay, what if I fall, am I blushing, I look bad, what if he finds me annoying.’ As this all ran through my head the waves pulled my body out into the ocean more. I fell backwards into him.
I looked up. I felt my face get hot as it turned rosie red. “ Hi there!” he said. His voice was deep. “ I...I...I’m soo sorry I didn’t mean to hit you I let the current pull me and it pulled me into you I’m soo.” I stammered out. “do you wanna go grab a bite to eat?” he said. “What. YES, I mean sure.” He laughed the cutest laugh.
That is how it all started. Now him Tristan Rolla and I Bailee Broyles are surrounded by friends and family. Exactly seven years to the day we met. Him in a nice black tux with a purple bow tie. Myself with my flowy white lace dress and curled hair. Standing in front of the priest, a flower girl, brides maid, and the best man saying our two best words in ones relationship.
“I do”
Hi Marissa! You have a great rough draft here. I think that the setting you created on the beach is beautifully written and the sense of anticipation and hope about your narrator's upcoming senior year is really tangible to your readers.
ReplyDeleteI would love to hear more about your narrator (Bailee?) and her relationship with her best friend Katlyn. What makes her a "real friend" as you say in the beginning?
Another way to expand your story would be to add some more specific details about your characters' first date that day at the beach. What kinds things did they do or see? What about their personalities made them fall in love? etc.